It's time...
Dunno what else to say. But really i think there is no better word than this, "fool", can describe me. People always say the world is constantly changing but i dun see that in me. The leopard never changes its spot, the Alvin never changes his mind. Well people might say thats a good thing, some probably say thats bad. My personal verdict-- Absolutely bad!!!
But i just realised that there are some things in me that have changed without my knowing because of you. Probably my habits. All of it turned from black and tarnished to really white and shiny. Normally everything has a balance. Like the economy, isnt it? Well, its easy to guess, you turned my days into dark nights.
I thought i have gotten over everything, like really. Then again, the same thing happened today, i realised its just too difficult to handle.
There is this song “为你写诗”, it really speaks my heart and actions. But this song is meant to be doing something really silly and foolish for your love one and its a happy song. Hmmm.... I did the initial part, but i think its not my happy song. Now i feel like writing a poem. Obviously it wun be a good one. so pardon me.
我真的好愚蠢，竟然为了你做了那么多傻事。让我看看做了多少个。
为了你，从西跑到东。
为了你，在球场上失去了理智。
为了你，我骗我的父母说“我没事，别担心”，但其实痛得不得了。
为了你，我不能专心，连越过一道矮墙都会跌倒，受了伤。
为了你，我哭了不少。
为了你，我竟然花掉最后几块来买东西给你。
为了让你专心做东西，你发的简讯，我停止所有在手的任务来回应你。但是我要的回应没回来。你说你不喜欢伤害人，我每一次都说出一个谎言来让你觉得你没有伤害到我。但是你不断地继续着样对我，我不埋怨。因为我爱的是你。很快的，我希望这一切能圆满地结束。我真的承不下去了。
最终的“为了你”就是：为了你，我的心碎了。谢谢！
I still do not know why i am doing this. Everytime this thing blows over, i go back then the problem comes again, then it blows over..... and this vicious cycle continues.
Can i just ask you what is it that you want from me? Why do u keep doing this to me? Am i fun or something? Like someone who will go all panicky over you just to keep you safe and sound, then actually its nothing. I have only one simple request and you know it. As I am typing this, bad weather is raging inside me. Creating quite a stir. Thanks for making me cry once again. Its a let-out. I dunno why but it seems like for a guy, I have been crying non-stop. I thought chocolate makes one happy. I took one just now, it tastes bitter and its of no use at all. It just makes me even more devastated.
Need to go bye..
I dunno what to say... It's painful. Every single bit. Cried countless of time. Loving someone is really like taking a risk to play bare-footed soccer. There will be times where there are fun or anything. But what comes after that is the risk of blisters developing at ur sole. If you are lucky, no blisters will appear. If you arent lucky, blisters will form and cause u pain and discomfort.
Recently, or if i say that for the past few weeks. Almost every single thing, and really almost every single thing that i have come in contact with, is really something that God is trying to show me. Even the TV show that i watched.... the song 曙光 sang by sharon au. Its really stunning.. the lyrics are really speaking to me somehow.
Loving somebody really takes alot of effort. And its really painful, i dunno what else to say. Its been ongoing for almost 2 years. The same feeling that is. Really sick and tired of crying. This tough times that i have and will face, i guess will be coming to an end soon.
Once again, He showed me that the love He has always been giving to me. I try and gave my best for the one that i love. Did all i could to protect, to bring happiness and joy to her. God told me He had been doing that all along by all the things He have shown me thru the past few weeks to make me feel better. I really think I am a hypocrite, I always promised God that i will not only find Him when i dun feel good. But i do just that. God is gracious i know it, He is gonna give me another chance i know it. Please Lord... Thank you.
